Positivity Prevails

A 2020 Update. I don’t know when I wrote the original text below, as I inch toward 32 this year. I don’t want to erase who I was (reflection is good, reflection is important), but I think some updates are required.

Who am I? I can never truly know the answer. To each person, I am someone different. To myself, even, I am someone different from one day to the next. Yesterday I was a shell of myself. Aching for some relief of the way depression was ravaging my body and mind. Today, I am full of false starts, wanting to remain in the cocoon of seclusion, conveniently made easy by our collective pandemic. Tomorrow, I may be strong-willed and stubborn, itching to prove a point.

I am an acquired taste. Like a frozen chocolate with liqueur inside. I mean well (but the road to hell…I guess, meet me on it). I’m committed to growth, to learn from the mistakes I’ve made and the pain I’ve caused. I will continue to make mistakes, and hopefully I will continue to grow.

At the end of the day, we all just want to be seen, right? Well, I’ve also left the below description because of Suze’s comment. I came back to my blog to revitalize my writing. A commitment I have not kept to myself. And had forgotten the sweet note she left- she passed away from cancer nearly two years ago. And the wonderful thing about Susan is that she always made everyone feel seen and loved, and she gave the best hugs. So maybe as I start again on my journey of writing, I can remember Susan, and hope to embody the energy she brought to each day.

One of those “20-somethings” trying to figure out life one day at a time, through experiences, thoughts, epiphanies, conversations, and adventures. Fighting hard to be my own role model, taking all of the best things from all my role models. I could not imagine a rougher road. It may take a lot of redirecting, but I will make it some day.

So I write. I write through the pain and frustration. I write through the happiness and elation. I write out the dreams and memories. I write out the scenes and fantasies. So I write. About today, about tomorrow, about the chances lost, the chances taken. So I write, hoping my subconscious will tell me something new, and help me find the next direction on the path I’m wandering down.

And I travel. To cities here and there, close and far, known and unknown. For family, for friends, for vacation. For escape and entertainment. For education and experience. To feel alive.

Occasionally I am creative, through short stories, through poetry, through detail. It is always best when the creativity takes hold and flows through my fingers. Most of all I write for the connection. Because we are all unique, and we are all uniquely connected, but we are all connected, and we are all one. Empathize. Include.