I have been thinking about writing this post all day. I feel like I’ve crossed a few mountains on the way here. And come to many interesting conclusions, and found many guiding forces along the way.
For starters, when was the last time you ran around and played?! I wanna run around and plaaaaay. It’s been forever. Let’s go to the park! Let’s play hide and seek! Let’s color! Do you want to color? Hey, let’s have ice cream for dinner! Let’s go play in the snow and forget all of our winter stuff inside. It’s too much work to bundle up and it’s more fun when you don’t have to deal with all that stupid extra stuff. Oh oh oh! Also, can we go play with our best friend today? I miss him! And he got a new toy! It’s like, brand new, and it looks like so much fun. Hey, stop doing boring stuff. Why do you have to bring us to work all the time? Work isn’t fun. OUCH that HURTS, don’t hold my hand so tight, I can cross the street by myself! Stop telling me what to do, I’m not a baby anymore! I can make my own decisions! You are wrong! You are always wrong, why don’t you listen to me? I have feelings too! I have experience too! Stop being such an adult, I thought we were in this together. I’m just gonna sing songs then until you stop being such a meanie pants. *Whoomp there it is! Shaka laka shaka laka laka shaka saka maka baka ukelele rah rah mah mah whoomp!*
“Stop, please stop,” I said, aloud, to myself. To my inner child who must’ve taken a sugar pill or SOMETHING. Or wait, was she always like this and I was just better at tuning her out most times? I don’t even know where to begin.
“RAAARRRRR!!!” she screamed at me at the top of her lungs. “LET ME OUT! I am trapped and I deserve to be free!”
“But every time I let you out, you do something reckless and I am left picking up the pieces! Unless you can learn to behave yourself, absolutely not. I cannot let you out.”
“You SUCK! Look at yourself! Remember how much fun you used to be? Remember how much fun we used to have?! Just let me out a little bit, please? You will thank me for it later, I promise.”
“You’re right, things have grown a bit dull around here…Okay, just a little bit, but nothing too wild, okay? Adult consequences are above and beyond what you are familiar with.” Seriously. I wish I could exchange adult consequences for kid consequences. Any day. Because kid Katy did not have to deal with healthcare, bills or jobs.
“Blah, blah, blah, great! Now let’s have some fun and explore!” It was too late. She was already starting to take control and I had let her so now it was time to just sit back and enjoy the ride, and hope for the best.
“No more trains. We are walking EVERYWHERE because look at all the pretty trees! And that snow mound looks like a lion, ROAR! Hey, hey, check out how cool the clouds are, can you see that? Hey- are you listening to me? LOOK AT THE CLOUDS! Are you even in there anymore? Do you even REMEMBER me? Yikes, you need to let me get out more often. I don’t even recognize you anymore! No, no siree. This will not do. I’m not sure I can let you take control anymore because you are trapped in dumb adultland. Time to make some decisions that are better for US!”
I am not positive where I wanted to take this post, or where it is going even, sometimes I just let my fingers do the talking. The idea is that we need to acknowledge that voice inside of us who encourages us, and who encourages us to have fun. The voice of my inner child was knocking on my door today and wanted to have a few words I guess. I was just watching Sia’s video for Elastic Heart again and it is worth a watch, remembering all the versions of ourselves that fight inside for a voice outside. At one point it reminds me so much of the scene in Robin Williams’s Hook, where the lost boys struggle to find the Peter they know in Old Peter’s face. Let’s go on more adventures.
Here is the video:
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