I was looking through my notes and I found this poem, which I think I wrote in a flurry in that inbetween state when you are awake and asleep, but I had an image or a thought that was important so it needed to be saved. Generally, some good imagery comes of it:
Emotions busted the door down into my heart.
They tore apart every room, every chamber
Searching for priceless things.
A shimmer of hope, affection, caring-
Deep in the center it glowed softly.
So They filled my heart with an overflowing,
bleeding love, that could not be quenched,
To flood out all the things They wanted.
So hard to fight. So hard to resist.
Not strong enough to stay lonely.
But the weakness ate away my insides.
And I was empty.
And the emptiness was worse.
I was washed away by the flood that fell from my face.
And I woke up alone.
And then I used a few lines that have been floating around in my notes forever to spark the creativity for this piece that I just wrote.
And the nights when no one sleeps are the worst, when somehow they used to be the best.
I can attest to the days of play when we were unafraid and stayed up til five just to see the sun rise.
We would flip the script and do it all again so we don’t have to pretend to be happy.
I cannot see where we stopped being carefree, where we stopped caring freely, for each other.
But we must still love one another, deep down, in a place that’s safe, a safe space for memories.
It’s hard to be at ease when we freeze up and get stuck shut, out of our own hearts and our own minds.
And sometimes. We just miss the signs, or misread the meaning of seeing or believing.
As we try weaving together the pieces that are left. I can attest, it is a struggle, at best.
And the rest of our lives were ahead of us when we were ten, but then again.
Where have we been, at year twenty-five it all takes a dive for the quarter life panic.
Stop the static. It’s tragic. Our lives are not over they are just beginning, can’t we see?
Remembering how to be free and open our eyes to the sunshine and skies above.
And open our hearts to all the love that we give and receive to be free.
To finally leave behind our pasts for something new is all we can do.
As we swim out it is time to choose. Only we can decide and it’s time to swim, sink, or dive.
How do you want to feel alive?
I also wanted to add a piece about a young Minnesotan who passed away yesterday. He was an inspirational person and a wonderful musician, which you can learn just by watching this video of him : . After watching this yesterday, it just made me think. What would you change about your life if you were living each day as potentially your last? How would you treat your relationships with others differently? How would you communicate differently? Would you be better at communicating? Would I be more openly loving of all those around me? Does fear of rejection go out the window? Why can’t we all just love each other more now while we are still here for each other? (Because that would just be too easy. If you watch this video, grab a box of kleenex.)